Sleepless In The South

I've been in so much pain lately. Not that I'm not in pain every single day as it is...but for the past week or two...it seems as if my pain has increased significantly. I've talked about this before, but I hate complaining about my pain. I mean...I do complain about it...but I try my best to make it a rare occurrence. And seeing as I literally feel this crap 24 hours a day, it's a little tough not to every once in a while throw a whine out there. I have a guilt complex...but that's beside the point. I've had a lot of people ask me what the pain feels like. Whether it's sharp, dull, stabbing, throbbing, etc. It's honestly impossible to describe. The best way I could come close is to tell you that it feels like having the worst migraine of your life...but in your bones. It's a very "unique" kind of pain. It's between a stabbing and a dull pain. Sometimes it's throbbing and sometimes it's steady. But one thing remains the same........it's always there!! Without fail, like the sun coming up every day, like the Auburn-Alabama rivalry...it is always there. It is a constant in my life...and has been for over 3 1/2 years now.

Because my pain level has been so much worse lately...the time I'm able to sleep has drastically been diminished. Ever since I was diagnosed with this disease in 2004, I've had tons of trouble sleeping. Since the disease affects the blood supply to my joints, I have a really hard time finding a comfortable position in bed. Usually, even if I can get to sleep, my circulation gets all screwed up and cut off to my legs. Then I'll shift or move and my legs and feet will get those creepy crawly hard tingly feelings when they wake up from being "asleep." And of course that wakes me up! So...that went on for quite a while. It would take forever for me to fall asleep, and then I would wake up 20 times a night. The amount of time I slept per night got shorter and shorter as time went on until I was averaging about 4 to 5 hours a night. Maybe. Well, this past week has just been a nightmare...and not a sleeping nightmare either. I'm lucky if I get to sleep before the sun comes up!! And that's with me taking a prescription sleep aid! By the time I finally pass out from sheer exhaustion, I usually get about 2 or 3 hours of somewhat decent sleep before my body shocks itself awake from pain or circulation problems again.

So...for about a week and a half now, the most I've slept is about 5 hours straight. And that was only one night. The rest were about 3 hours. Last night, as I saw the light starting to show up outside...I almost had an anxiety attack. How much longer can my body take this? I honestly don't know how much more I can deal with. Every night, I lay awake shocked that my body doesn't just crap out on me from pure sleep deprivation and delirium.

Time for me to stop whining...at least for this blog entry. Ha. Unfortunately, I have a feeling my night is just beginning...and it's after 2 AM.

Sleep well, my friends!