Greener Pastures

I think we've all been at a certain point in life when we've said, "Oh yeah...that grass is greener over there." And sure as anything, we graze on over, we start to nibble, and it turns out it was just spray painted. At the first rain, all that green just fades away to brown. So, we try to turn around to get to our original pasture, but Farmer Brown has built a fence in the middle of the damn night. We're stuck. Who can we blame but ourselves? But the thing is...we don't. We blame everyone BUT ourselves. We blame Farmer Brown for building that fence. We blame the painter for spray painting that beautiful green paint on the grass. We blame God for putting the grass in that pasture there in the first place. We even blame the damn cows for NOT eating the grass because then...why, we wouldn't have seen it if those damn cows would've just eaten it. But in reality, it was only us...we took the steps over to the other pasture, and we were the ones who nibbled through the night and through the rain ignoring the fading paint and Farmer Brown's hammering wanting and needing our initial hope of "the grass is greener" to be true. So now, what to do? You're walking around in dead grass surrounded by a fence. You can either try and jump the fence, walk around in the dead grass staring at what was, or you can stop looking down. Stop looking down at that dead grass and look at what other opportunities are available to you now. Look. You're in the pasture now, you might as well learn to deal with it. Are there any trees to climb? Any rose bushes to tend to? Any cows to tip? Hey...go chat up Farmer Brown...maybe he needs an egg hatcher or something.

My point is...sometimes the grass looks greener and maybe you get lucky and it really is. But for those times when you get over there and you realize that the green isn't all that green...try looking up.

Back In The Day

Do you remember the age when your mom's spankings didn't hurt anymore? When it actually DID hurt her more than it hurt you? But yet you kept on fake crying for the mere fact that you got off with an easy punishment? Yeah...I remember. I was about 7. It lasted for about 2 seconds before I actually giggled mid-spank. Mmmm hmmm. I giggled. Advice for my 7 year old blog audience out there: I realize that these days, "spanking" is grounds for you calling DHR...but if you are still lucky enough to get the easy punishment of getting laid across your momma's lap bare butt and all, and she uses her BARE HAND to slap your rear to "teach you a lesson"...at least whimper or something. You may be able to stretch this another year or so before the actual "grounding" starts taking place. I know how you kids these days value your endless menagerie of electronic mind control devices and believe me...your mom (or dad) WILL confiscate these lovelies from you. What will you do then, young grasshopper? Read a book? *GASP* The horror of it! Believe it or not, my toys actually CONSISTED of books which I thoroughly enjoyed. And look at me now. Blogging away. You wouldn't want this happenening to you. So behave by all means so that you can continue to practice your hand-eye coordination with Guitar Hero and searching for the Gatlin gun on Xbox 360 with your buddies. We wouldn't want good, young minds going to waste, now would we?

It amazes me the kinds of toys kids have today. Even toys for babies. When I was a kid (and no...I'm not quite old enough to go on a tirade about how I walked to school 3 miles in the snow barefoot) we had actual jump ropes instead of those glittery musical whips they have today. We had dolls that just sat there that maybe came with a brush. These days, they come with hair that changes color when you add a "magic potion" to the brush...not to mention the doll poops and pees and barfs all over you, all while having a conversation in Arabic. We had frisbees. Now they have these gigantic discs that, if thrown correctly, soar into the next zip code. That's fun times. You don't just run through a run-of-the-mill, ordinary sprinkler that your dad pulls out of the garage anymore...oh no. You get the air pump out to blow up the inflatable playground fully equipped with a water slide, bouncy thing-a-ma-jig, and full working waterfall. You don't just ride a bike or skateboard anymore...nope nope nope. You have motorcycles for 4 year olds and so called "scooters" that go 50 miles an hour and probably get better gas mileage than a Prius. Ahh yes. "Toys" these days. Makes ya wanna be a kid again doesn't it? And you wonder why lawsuits are on the rise.

Cartoons have come a long way. And that's an understatement. I remember watching Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers and Duck Tales, The Care Bears and Pound Puppies, Fraggle Rock, Inspector Gadget, Garfield & Friends, and The Jetsons. These days, they have Spongebob Squarepants, Jimmy Neutron, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and even shows for the toddlers like The Backyardigans (which I happen to love) and the Baby Einstein series. What's funny to me is that if you watch the old school Looney Toons or Tom and Jerry NOW, you will see that a lot of the jokes were geared towards adults. What you may not know is that the Looney Toons that you see on TV today is actually edited...quite a bit. Because back in the day, those cartoons were written during the war and had scenes written to "lighten the mood" that would be inappropriate for little ones' eyes to see today. Ahhh...but we adults have options now. And it's called "Adult Swim". Never did I think I'd see the day when an animated character would cuss or make off-color jokes. Enter Family Guy, American Dad, Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and other such beauties on Cartoon Network. It all started in 2001 on a Sunday night after 10 PM with a disclaimer on the screen which originally showed senior citizens in a pool with an audio of a lifeguard yelling on a megaphone, "All Kids Out of The Pool!" It was FANTASTIC!! Well, maybe not for everyone...but for those of us who are the classic "never-gonna-grow-up-Toys-R-Us-kids" it was freakin' fantastic. And now, almost 7 years later, it's on every night with several shows to fulfill the cartoon need in all of us. Sure, most of the shows are absolutely out-of-this-world outrageous and admittedly pretty stupid, but don't knock it until you try it. Put the kiddies to bed and tune in. Hey...the Simpsons haven't been on for almost 20 years for nothing, ya know.

Procrastination Unglued

Ahhh blogging. The "writer's" way of getting her inner voice heard in a way that 15 bazillion other people are too. In it's own way, blogging is a competition. The hard core bloggers out there scour the internet searching for the most popular ones to see how theirs add up. Obviously, I can't compare to "I Can Has Cheezburger." I don't have a network of people sending me hilarious pictures of cats with captions attached saying things like, "I Made You a Cookie...But I Eated It." All I can offer up is the wonderful world of Mary's Mind and hope that I get about 3 readers who think it's the least bit interesting. At least enough to come back on a semi regular basis to catch up on what's taking place in my crazy mind for that moment. Although, I do have 6 cats and 2 dogs, and I can promise that if any one of them ever speaks to me, I will take a picture and report back to you immediately. I personally believe that a blog is a way for a potential "serious writer" to completely avoid serious writing. I mean, if you use a blog for business reasons, by all means...whoopty doo. But if you blog just to brain vomit...then you're blogging with the masses, baby. If you have no aspirations to become a great author...or hell...an author at all, then blog away and have no worries. But...if you do aspire to write that great novel comparable to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, then blogging is the BEST way to absolutely avoid doing so. I know that I personally have been procrastinating for about ohhhh 10 years now from doing any "real" writing. But wowza...when the blogging phenomenon came about...YEE HAW! I actually had something to do with my time while I was procrastinating. Who could ask for anything more?!? I wrote a blog for an entire year...just to see if I could do it. I did, and it was entirely therapeutic and fun for me. I had somewhat of a following for a while which boosted my ego a bit, but not enough for me to actually sit down and write something of substance. For about 20 seconds, I thought about just taking my blog, printing it out and sending it to publishers. I mean hell. They'll take just about anything these days, won't they? Whatever. All I'm saying is. Here I am again - ungluing my procrastination. Get ready for a wild ride, peeps. Because let me tell you something, folks. I didn't buy a laptop for nothing.