Love Letters

So, I've been reading this book about love letters. Well, really it's not "about" love letters...it IS love letters. (Other People's Love Letters - 150 Letters You Were Never Meant To See Edited by Bill Shapiro) Love letters to women from men, to men from women...written by email, postcard, handwritten in cursive, typed on old typewriters, written in chicken scratch and big bubbly girlie handwriting. Most were written in the past 10 years, but there were some in the book that were written in the 1930's even a few as far back as 1911! The funny thing is how different, yet similar the current letters are to the letters written decades ago. The words used are different but the feelings are the same.

Love, I believe, is absolutely universal. You see it everywhere and almost everyone has felt it. It can cause the highest most jubilant of feelings or the lowest most intense feeling of pain. It has brought about the biggest celebrations and caused the greatest of wars. Love, you see, is tumultuous in nature...but who wants to live without experiencing it? Romance movies, books, art, music...it is literally everywhere you look. Not only is love in the things we obviously see, but it's there even when we may not readily realize it. Even in horror films there is usually a back story with romantic tones to it. It appeals universally to everyone. I truly believe that if love didn't exist, then neither would the rest of it. Art, music, books, movies, TV...any of it. Love is inspiring.

Look outside right now. Go...I'll wait. Did you see it? Did you see that fantastic, gorgeous blue sky? That color that you can't quite name? Did you see those trees? With the white blooms that seem to explode with snowflakes in the middle of warm weather? Did you see the bumble bees getting pollen to and from each flower to make the Spring more beautiful for us every year? Did you see the green? So lush and rich? Did you see it? That is inspiration for love.

Look closer. Did you see that little girl running barefoot through her front yard? Did you see her fall down? Did you see her mommy come out and pick her up and kiss her tears away? That's love. Did you see the old man walking to the mailbox this afternoon? Did you see his neighbor run out to beat him there and deliver his mail to him so he wouldn't have to walk the whole way? Did you see the neighbor visit with him for 5 minutes? Did you see the old man's smile as he walked back in the house and that his step was just a little lighter? That's love. Did you see the teenage boy with the long hair and torn jeans getting off the bus with the frown on his face? Did you see the kids laughing at him? Did you see his slumped shoulders and weight of the world on his back? Did you see God bend down and take him in His arms? Did you see that? No? Look closer.

That is Love.

Write a love letter. You never know who might need one.

Whats and Ladders?

So, it's weird for me to be writing more than once in one day, though it would be my ambition to write several times a day. But I just saw Jamie Lee Curtis on Oprah, and she inspired me to jump on here and spew. I only caught the last few minutes of her interview, but her words really struck a chord in me. She has written several children's books over the past few years and her newest one is called, "Big Words for Little People." In a nutshell, it's trying to keep "real" language alive for kids these days. It kind of goes back to what I was talking about in another post about technology and how kids are so involved with their video games and blah blah blah. You may remember her in some commercials for board games like Operation where she's dressed up in scrubs and a surgeon's costume? Well, she mentioned in her interview that she was talking to some of the makers of the games and told them that her favorite game used to be Chutes and Ladders. She said that her favorite part of the game was the loooonnnng slide at the end of the game that sent you right back to the beginning if you happened to land on it. Well...it seems that too many kids were throwing temper tantrums about having to go back to the beginning of the game...and too many moms were calling the company COMPLAINING about their kids not winning the game. Mmmmmmmmmm kay. So.....................THE COMPANY CHANGED THE GAME! CHUTES AND LADDERS!!! IT IS CHANGED! All because some whiny little shits got on their impatient mothers' nerves. Whatever happened to learning how to lose graciously?? I mean...now they have rules posted outside all the ballparks instructing parents not to raise their voices at the ball games or they'll get thrown out. Most of the ball games under certain ages aren't even SCORED any more because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Okay, okay...I get it. Everyone and their dog is on some kind of anti-depressant now, so they have to start at age 2 to up self esteem. I get it. I'm just wondering what happens to these kids who are pampered until they're 22 and then BOOM they get fired from their cushy job in corporate America, and they have not the first idea how to handle it!

I'm just saying...kids need to experience disappointment. I realize that parents don't want their kids to face it...but let's get real...life is FULL of disappointment and if kids don't learn how to deal with it early on, then won't it just be harder later? Look...before everyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying throw your kids in a lake full of crocodiles. I'm just saying...put the damn slide back on the board for crying out loud.

If you can't be a gracious loser...how can you be excited about winning anything?

Not Feeling It

I don't feel as old as I am. I'm not trying to say that I'm "old." It's just that I am 2 1/2 years away from being the big 3-0 and I haven't even grasped my 20's yet. Some days...I don't even feel my 27 years. In some ways, I've lived more life than most people my age...hell, I've lived more life than some people that are in their 50's. But in other ways, I feel as if I haven't yet begun to live. I have been with the most wonderful man for 8 years come this June. Yet, I haven't walked down the aisle. I haven't experienced the excitement of trying on bridal gowns and picking out flowers for my wedding. I've never in my LIFE been a girlie girl. I've always said that I'd be perfectly content with hopping on a plane to Las Vegas and getting married in a cute little chapel in jeans and flip flops. Then I passed 25. And I started watching as, one by one, my friends got married off. Suddenly, the idea of that "picket fence wedding" wasn't so far fetched. Then I noticed that everyone around me were having kids...sometimes their 2nd or 3rd kid! (Or maybe even 4th in some cases. Ah. You brave souls!) I haven't even mentioned careers yet. I've dreamt for as long as I can remember to be a writer and make money at it. Specifically, a writer of books. Ficitional books, if you'd like to get even more specific. It's no secret. Thing is...instead of having something grand to say like, "Hi...my name is Mary, I'm a "writer." I get to say, "Hi...my name is Mary, and I haven't had a REAL job in over 3 1/2 years but really...I have an excuse!! I'm in excruciating pain every minute of every day, and it hurts to even think about working 8 hours a day, let alone actually doing it."

You see...that's the issue here...this stupid disease. This pain that I have to endure and that I've been going through day in and day out for 3 and a half years. It all began when I was 24 years old and it hasn't let up, in fact it's just gotten worse, ever since. It's prevented me from working...it's prevented me from even thinking about getting pregnant...it's prevented me from working out like I want to...it's prevented me from living the life that I've always wanted. Granted, I could've still gotten married. I could still live. All in all, I truly believe that I've been blessed to get this disease. It made me slow down. It made me stop and think about where my life was headed. It made me stop and think about what was most important in my life. Ok...I only needed a short break though! I just feel like my life has been on stall. And that's why I don't feel my age. I feel like I'm stuck at 20. I feel like I never got to live in certain ways...that I need to catch up. So many of my friends are married with their children already growing up before my eyes. I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as when I can even think about getting pregnant!! I still have surgeries to think about...pain pills to get off of...physical therapy to endure. I know I still have "time." But the road seems daunting.

I suppose I sound like a Debbie Downer, and I try extremely hard not to be that person. Throughout these past few years, I've always tried to look at the bright side of things. This past Thursday, I found out that there is more disease in my knee. That means more surgery. That means more pain. That means more recovery and physical therapy. I'm tired. I feel plain exhausted. A few days before I found out about this I had just gotten news that I got a full-time job after months of looking for one. Now, I'm not going to be able to work full-time. I'm going to have to re-file for Social Security because when I look at it honestly...I just can't do it. I just can't work 8 hours a day as much as I would want to. So...here we go again. Another round of battle for me. I had a few days of a nice pity party, but now I've got to get off my ass and get with the program. Tomorrow, I've got to go get an MRI of my knee and then go back to the surgeon's office to see how he wants to proceed. Yeah...it's daunting. But what else am I going to do? Be that person who complains every day all day and hides under the covers? Or makes the choice to get out of bed and put my big girl panties on and deal with it already?

Well...I guess I'll go the panties route...but I'm not wearing thongs.

Greener Pastures

I think we've all been at a certain point in life when we've said, "Oh yeah...that grass is greener over there." And sure as anything, we graze on over, we start to nibble, and it turns out it was just spray painted. At the first rain, all that green just fades away to brown. So, we try to turn around to get to our original pasture, but Farmer Brown has built a fence in the middle of the damn night. We're stuck. Who can we blame but ourselves? But the thing is...we don't. We blame everyone BUT ourselves. We blame Farmer Brown for building that fence. We blame the painter for spray painting that beautiful green paint on the grass. We blame God for putting the grass in that pasture there in the first place. We even blame the damn cows for NOT eating the grass because then...why, we wouldn't have seen it if those damn cows would've just eaten it. But in reality, it was only us...we took the steps over to the other pasture, and we were the ones who nibbled through the night and through the rain ignoring the fading paint and Farmer Brown's hammering wanting and needing our initial hope of "the grass is greener" to be true. So now, what to do? You're walking around in dead grass surrounded by a fence. You can either try and jump the fence, walk around in the dead grass staring at what was, or you can stop looking down. Stop looking down at that dead grass and look at what other opportunities are available to you now. Look. You're in the pasture now, you might as well learn to deal with it. Are there any trees to climb? Any rose bushes to tend to? Any cows to tip? Hey...go chat up Farmer Brown...maybe he needs an egg hatcher or something.

My point is...sometimes the grass looks greener and maybe you get lucky and it really is. But for those times when you get over there and you realize that the green isn't all that green...try looking up.

Back In The Day

Do you remember the age when your mom's spankings didn't hurt anymore? When it actually DID hurt her more than it hurt you? But yet you kept on fake crying for the mere fact that you got off with an easy punishment? Yeah...I remember. I was about 7. It lasted for about 2 seconds before I actually giggled mid-spank. Mmmm hmmm. I giggled. Advice for my 7 year old blog audience out there: I realize that these days, "spanking" is grounds for you calling DHR...but if you are still lucky enough to get the easy punishment of getting laid across your momma's lap bare butt and all, and she uses her BARE HAND to slap your rear to "teach you a lesson"...at least whimper or something. You may be able to stretch this another year or so before the actual "grounding" starts taking place. I know how you kids these days value your endless menagerie of electronic mind control devices and believe me...your mom (or dad) WILL confiscate these lovelies from you. What will you do then, young grasshopper? Read a book? *GASP* The horror of it! Believe it or not, my toys actually CONSISTED of books which I thoroughly enjoyed. And look at me now. Blogging away. You wouldn't want this happenening to you. So behave by all means so that you can continue to practice your hand-eye coordination with Guitar Hero and searching for the Gatlin gun on Xbox 360 with your buddies. We wouldn't want good, young minds going to waste, now would we?

It amazes me the kinds of toys kids have today. Even toys for babies. When I was a kid (and no...I'm not quite old enough to go on a tirade about how I walked to school 3 miles in the snow barefoot) we had actual jump ropes instead of those glittery musical whips they have today. We had dolls that just sat there that maybe came with a brush. These days, they come with hair that changes color when you add a "magic potion" to the brush...not to mention the doll poops and pees and barfs all over you, all while having a conversation in Arabic. We had frisbees. Now they have these gigantic discs that, if thrown correctly, soar into the next zip code. That's fun times. You don't just run through a run-of-the-mill, ordinary sprinkler that your dad pulls out of the garage anymore...oh no. You get the air pump out to blow up the inflatable playground fully equipped with a water slide, bouncy thing-a-ma-jig, and full working waterfall. You don't just ride a bike or skateboard anymore...nope nope nope. You have motorcycles for 4 year olds and so called "scooters" that go 50 miles an hour and probably get better gas mileage than a Prius. Ahh yes. "Toys" these days. Makes ya wanna be a kid again doesn't it? And you wonder why lawsuits are on the rise.

Cartoons have come a long way. And that's an understatement. I remember watching Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers and Duck Tales, The Care Bears and Pound Puppies, Fraggle Rock, Inspector Gadget, Garfield & Friends, and The Jetsons. These days, they have Spongebob Squarepants, Jimmy Neutron, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and even shows for the toddlers like The Backyardigans (which I happen to love) and the Baby Einstein series. What's funny to me is that if you watch the old school Looney Toons or Tom and Jerry NOW, you will see that a lot of the jokes were geared towards adults. What you may not know is that the Looney Toons that you see on TV today is actually edited...quite a bit. Because back in the day, those cartoons were written during the war and had scenes written to "lighten the mood" that would be inappropriate for little ones' eyes to see today. Ahhh...but we adults have options now. And it's called "Adult Swim". Never did I think I'd see the day when an animated character would cuss or make off-color jokes. Enter Family Guy, American Dad, Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and other such beauties on Cartoon Network. It all started in 2001 on a Sunday night after 10 PM with a disclaimer on the screen which originally showed senior citizens in a pool with an audio of a lifeguard yelling on a megaphone, "All Kids Out of The Pool!" It was FANTASTIC!! Well, maybe not for everyone...but for those of us who are the classic "never-gonna-grow-up-Toys-R-Us-kids" it was freakin' fantastic. And now, almost 7 years later, it's on every night with several shows to fulfill the cartoon need in all of us. Sure, most of the shows are absolutely out-of-this-world outrageous and admittedly pretty stupid, but don't knock it until you try it. Put the kiddies to bed and tune in. Hey...the Simpsons haven't been on for almost 20 years for nothing, ya know.

Procrastination Unglued

Ahhh blogging. The "writer's" way of getting her inner voice heard in a way that 15 bazillion other people are too. In it's own way, blogging is a competition. The hard core bloggers out there scour the internet searching for the most popular ones to see how theirs add up. Obviously, I can't compare to "I Can Has Cheezburger." I don't have a network of people sending me hilarious pictures of cats with captions attached saying things like, "I Made You a Cookie...But I Eated It." All I can offer up is the wonderful world of Mary's Mind and hope that I get about 3 readers who think it's the least bit interesting. At least enough to come back on a semi regular basis to catch up on what's taking place in my crazy mind for that moment. Although, I do have 6 cats and 2 dogs, and I can promise that if any one of them ever speaks to me, I will take a picture and report back to you immediately. I personally believe that a blog is a way for a potential "serious writer" to completely avoid serious writing. I mean, if you use a blog for business reasons, by all means...whoopty doo. But if you blog just to brain vomit...then you're blogging with the masses, baby. If you have no aspirations to become a great author...or hell...an author at all, then blog away and have no worries. But...if you do aspire to write that great novel comparable to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, then blogging is the BEST way to absolutely avoid doing so. I know that I personally have been procrastinating for about ohhhh 10 years now from doing any "real" writing. But wowza...when the blogging phenomenon came about...YEE HAW! I actually had something to do with my time while I was procrastinating. Who could ask for anything more?!? I wrote a blog for an entire year...just to see if I could do it. I did, and it was entirely therapeutic and fun for me. I had somewhat of a following for a while which boosted my ego a bit, but not enough for me to actually sit down and write something of substance. For about 20 seconds, I thought about just taking my blog, printing it out and sending it to publishers. I mean hell. They'll take just about anything these days, won't they? Whatever. All I'm saying is. Here I am again - ungluing my procrastination. Get ready for a wild ride, peeps. Because let me tell you something, folks. I didn't buy a laptop for nothing.