You Had Me At.....

It will have been 8 years ago on June 8th. But I remember it like it was a week ago. To this day, we argue about which shirt you were wearing...the blue hawaiian or the orange hawaiian one. I KNOW it was the orange one. You insist it was blue. I have a better memory than you, so you should just accept it. It's kind of weird when I think of it now. I'm a bit anti-social now. Back then, the apartment that I lived in had a rotating door policy. People just kind of came and went as they pleased. Half the time they didn't even knock and it didn't bother me a bit. But I guess that's how it is when you're 19, single and have at least 3 - 8 friends at your home over every night. It was a Thursday. And Thursdays and Saturdays were our "clubbing" nights. Everyone knew to meet at my apartment and at EXACTLY 11 pm we would get in our cars and go out. We had a set schedule, and usually we had the same group of people that went with us. That night would be different. I'll never forget where I was standing when you walked through my front door. Two of our mutual friends had asked you to come along. They walked in the front door (without knocking of course) and I was standing by the kitchen when I saw them come in. You followed behind them and my stomach did some kind of weird flippity thing. (It still does it every time you come close to kiss me...every time you smile that smile of yours just for me...every time you tuck a piece of hair behind my ear...every time you say "I love you.") I remember asking, "Who IS that?" to someone close by. Then we were introduced. I'm sure I said something stupid. But I remember immediately thinking how polite you were...and how hot you were! That night, we had decided to all go out to eat before we went clubbing. The entire meal...I couldn't say a word. I couldn't eat. You were making everyone laugh...everything you said was smart, funny, nice...wonderfully you. One of the friends who had brought you along kept trying to get my attention during dinner. I realized I had been staring at you with my mouth open. And that I hadn't said a word. Literally. Which if anyone knew anything about me was completely bizarre. Our friend pulled me to the side and begged for my forgiveness. "For what?" I asked. He proceeded to apologize for bringing you to "our group" and "my home" without asking me first. He could tell I was "mad" because I wasn't speaking. I'm sure I turned 40 shades of purple. I assured him I was anything but mad. I do believe right then that the jig was up. He knew that you had made me flat out speechless. No one. No one had ever made me speechless in my lifetime. Then our well-meaning friend said something else that stunned me into silence. "But, Mary...I thought you refused to go out with short guys?" Say WHAT?!?!? I hadn't even noticed. I hadn't even noticed for even a moment that if we stood toe-to-toe that we were the exact same height. I had always sworn (loudly) that I would never EVER date anyone that was shorter than 6 inches taller than me. "Yeah well...screw that." I told him. (Of course, all of this conversation is taking place before I've even spoken 5 words to you!) After we ate, we went to the dance club. Normally...I would have been the first on the dance floor...but not this time. I was in awe of you. Not to mention completely self-concious. I slipped away from you for a while to dance with some friends when boom you were right behind me. I thought my heart would stop beating. Feeling you that near to me...I knew that I wanted you near to me always. They say that there's no such thing as love at first sight...maybe not. But my heart ached for you immediately. I had to walk away from you. I remember walking over to some tables and talking to my cousin. She also asked what was wrong. I remember exactly what I told her, "I love him." "WHO???" I pointed at you, and when I did you were looking right at me. I could have melted right there. She laughed it off, but I knew. I knew that I couldn't let that be the last night that I saw you. I walked past you another time and you were talking to two gorgeous girls. My heart fell. You stopped me as I walked by and introduced me to them as people you worked with. It amazed me that you would introduce me to people you worked with when you had just met me. So polite. It had amazed me that you had sat at our dinner table surrounded by 75% of people you didn't know and dominated the conversation and had everyone roaring with laughter and made everyone feel like they were they only one you were talking to. It amazed me how you danced with every girl in our group but didn't creep anyone out or flirt so much that made anyone feel like you were hitting on them. It amazed me that you made each person feel like you were their best friend. You stole my heart immediately. And it wasn't just because you were drop dead gorgeous in your ORANGE shirt (and you totally were.) And it wasn't just because you could dance like a sexy beast (and you could.) It was all of it. It was the way you walked in my front door and time slowed to a crawl. It was the way that I was comfortably speechless in your presence. It was the way that you made eye contact with me from across a crowded club and made me feel like I was the only one in the room.

And you picked me too. How did I get so lucky? Whoever knew that love could be this good?

8 years later I still get those flippity flips in my stomach every time you look at me. And I know you wore that damn orange shirt.

I love you.

Tag...I'm It!

So, it appears as if I've been tagged by my lovely friend, Nicci, to answer these questions. :) Here goes nuttin'!

A - Attached or Single: Attached quite happily! (This coming June we will have been attached for EIGHT freakin' years now....yeah....I best be gettin' a ring on my finger or it's gonna fall off or something.)

B - Best Friend: G (I truly believe that the love of your life should also be your best friend!), my mother (I swear...we're soulmates), KareBear (we've been buds since middle school and I couldn't ask for a better "girl"friend!), Tamster (my cousin - who may be a year younger than me...but I look up to her in so many ways), Shorty (my best "guy" friend that I can tell anything to and he listens just as well...if not BETTER...than any gal pal!), and a select other few. I am quite blessed to have many "best" friends.

C- Cake or Pie: I'm gonna have to go with pie here. I may be in a huge minority here, but I'm just not a big fan of cake. Don't get me wrong...I'll EAT cake. But I'll take a French Silk pie over German Chocolate cake any day. :)

D - Day of choice: Whatever day that my sweetheart has off work. It's really the only day that we have to spend quality time together. And since those days vary from week to week...I can't pick just one day. But if you're asking what day of the YEAR...I'd have to say Christmas, June 8th (our anniversary), October 23rd (my birthday), or Thanksgiving. I love me some holidays!

E - Essential Item: My Laptop! My baby bought it for me last year for our anniversary and hasn't been able to pry it away from me since!! (I love you, sweetheart!)

F - Favorite Color: PINK! (Save The TaTas!)

G- Gummy Bears or Worms: I'm going to break out here and say BUGS...they sell these gummy bugs in the aisle at Walmart that have this goo in the middle. It seriously takes me back to being a kid every time I eat them! LOVES IT!

H - Hometown: The Big Ham (Birmingham...for all of those out there who are clueless! Ha!)

I - Indulgence(s): Netflix, Cookie cake from Great American Cookie, Spending hours in the bookstore, Extra butter on my popcorn at the movie theater, about 8 different magazine subscriptions. :)

J - January or July: January because that's my hunny's birthday month! (27th)

K - Kids: We have lots of "furry" kids: Dogs - Sammy & Dixie; Cats - Nermil, Isabella, Rowdy, Spunky, Sola, Angel (but only 4 of the cats are indoors) - yeah...we're crazy animal people. But HEY...it used to be worse! We used to have 3 dogs, TEN cats, 3 RATS, 2 lizards and a snake!! Yeppers. So...we're doing really well right now.

L - Life is incomplete without: The love of my life, my family, my friends, my "kids", books, laughter, love, and Jesus Christ.

M - Marriage Date: To Be Announced. Ha!

N - Number of Siblings: 1 gorgeous little sister...10 years younger than me. :)

O - Oranges or Apples: Eh. Either are okay, but they're not my favorite.

P - Phobias or Fears: I cannot STAND roaches. And really, my biggest fear is losing the people that I love the most.

Q - Quotes: "Love is friendship...set on fire." "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!"

R - Reason to smile: All the loving people in my life, all the furry ones in my life, days when I get more than 4 hours of sleep, blogging, shopping, sex, cooking, Grey's Anatomy, good-smelling shampoo, painted toenails, a clean house, bubble baths, clean sheets, a brand new bag of sunflower seeds, being in love.

S - Season: The 2 days of Fall that we have here in good ole Alabammer

T- Tag Three Friends: I think I'm gonna have to pass on this one seeing as pretty much EVERYONE has been tagged by now! ;)

U- Unknown fact about me: A lot of people already know this about me...but I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19...and I've never been pulled over by the cops or gotten into a wreck. I drive like a grandma and have MAJOR anxiety when riding in the car with other people.

V - Very favorite Store: Barnes & Noble or Booksamillion! :)

W - Worst habit: Ugh...I STILL smoke...which I absolutely hate, but I've had a crappy time trying to quit.

X- X-ray or Ultrasound: Well, seeing as I have collapsing bones, I've had enough x-rays to make me glow in the dark by now.

Y - Your favorite food: This is pretty much an impossible question for me. But right now, I LOVE Mexican food. Especially Habeneros!! (The restaurant, not the pepper!)

Z - Zodiac: I'm on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio...which basically means I'm a freak I guess! ;)

Alrighty folks, there ya have it. Sorry it took me so long to do it!! Love you, Nicci!!! ;)

Love Letters

So, I've been reading this book about love letters. Well, really it's not "about" love letters...it IS love letters. (Other People's Love Letters - 150 Letters You Were Never Meant To See Edited by Bill Shapiro) Love letters to women from men, to men from women...written by email, postcard, handwritten in cursive, typed on old typewriters, written in chicken scratch and big bubbly girlie handwriting. Most were written in the past 10 years, but there were some in the book that were written in the 1930's even a few as far back as 1911! The funny thing is how different, yet similar the current letters are to the letters written decades ago. The words used are different but the feelings are the same.

Love, I believe, is absolutely universal. You see it everywhere and almost everyone has felt it. It can cause the highest most jubilant of feelings or the lowest most intense feeling of pain. It has brought about the biggest celebrations and caused the greatest of wars. Love, you see, is tumultuous in nature...but who wants to live without experiencing it? Romance movies, books, art, music...it is literally everywhere you look. Not only is love in the things we obviously see, but it's there even when we may not readily realize it. Even in horror films there is usually a back story with romantic tones to it. It appeals universally to everyone. I truly believe that if love didn't exist, then neither would the rest of it. Art, music, books, movies, TV...any of it. Love is inspiring.

Look outside right now. Go...I'll wait. Did you see it? Did you see that fantastic, gorgeous blue sky? That color that you can't quite name? Did you see those trees? With the white blooms that seem to explode with snowflakes in the middle of warm weather? Did you see the bumble bees getting pollen to and from each flower to make the Spring more beautiful for us every year? Did you see the green? So lush and rich? Did you see it? That is inspiration for love.

Look closer. Did you see that little girl running barefoot through her front yard? Did you see her fall down? Did you see her mommy come out and pick her up and kiss her tears away? That's love. Did you see the old man walking to the mailbox this afternoon? Did you see his neighbor run out to beat him there and deliver his mail to him so he wouldn't have to walk the whole way? Did you see the neighbor visit with him for 5 minutes? Did you see the old man's smile as he walked back in the house and that his step was just a little lighter? That's love. Did you see the teenage boy with the long hair and torn jeans getting off the bus with the frown on his face? Did you see the kids laughing at him? Did you see his slumped shoulders and weight of the world on his back? Did you see God bend down and take him in His arms? Did you see that? No? Look closer.

That is Love.

Write a love letter. You never know who might need one.

Whats and Ladders?

So, it's weird for me to be writing more than once in one day, though it would be my ambition to write several times a day. But I just saw Jamie Lee Curtis on Oprah, and she inspired me to jump on here and spew. I only caught the last few minutes of her interview, but her words really struck a chord in me. She has written several children's books over the past few years and her newest one is called, "Big Words for Little People." In a nutshell, it's trying to keep "real" language alive for kids these days. It kind of goes back to what I was talking about in another post about technology and how kids are so involved with their video games and blah blah blah. You may remember her in some commercials for board games like Operation where she's dressed up in scrubs and a surgeon's costume? Well, she mentioned in her interview that she was talking to some of the makers of the games and told them that her favorite game used to be Chutes and Ladders. She said that her favorite part of the game was the loooonnnng slide at the end of the game that sent you right back to the beginning if you happened to land on it. Well...it seems that too many kids were throwing temper tantrums about having to go back to the beginning of the game...and too many moms were calling the company COMPLAINING about their kids not winning the game. Mmmmmmmmmm kay. So.....................THE COMPANY CHANGED THE GAME! CHUTES AND LADDERS!!! IT IS CHANGED! All because some whiny little shits got on their impatient mothers' nerves. Whatever happened to learning how to lose graciously?? I mean...now they have rules posted outside all the ballparks instructing parents not to raise their voices at the ball games or they'll get thrown out. Most of the ball games under certain ages aren't even SCORED any more because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Okay, okay...I get it. Everyone and their dog is on some kind of anti-depressant now, so they have to start at age 2 to up self esteem. I get it. I'm just wondering what happens to these kids who are pampered until they're 22 and then BOOM they get fired from their cushy job in corporate America, and they have not the first idea how to handle it!

I'm just saying...kids need to experience disappointment. I realize that parents don't want their kids to face it...but let's get real...life is FULL of disappointment and if kids don't learn how to deal with it early on, then won't it just be harder later? Look...before everyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying throw your kids in a lake full of crocodiles. I'm just saying...put the damn slide back on the board for crying out loud.

If you can't be a gracious loser...how can you be excited about winning anything?

Not Feeling It

I don't feel as old as I am. I'm not trying to say that I'm "old." It's just that I am 2 1/2 years away from being the big 3-0 and I haven't even grasped my 20's yet. Some days...I don't even feel my 27 years. In some ways, I've lived more life than most people my age...hell, I've lived more life than some people that are in their 50's. But in other ways, I feel as if I haven't yet begun to live. I have been with the most wonderful man for 8 years come this June. Yet, I haven't walked down the aisle. I haven't experienced the excitement of trying on bridal gowns and picking out flowers for my wedding. I've never in my LIFE been a girlie girl. I've always said that I'd be perfectly content with hopping on a plane to Las Vegas and getting married in a cute little chapel in jeans and flip flops. Then I passed 25. And I started watching as, one by one, my friends got married off. Suddenly, the idea of that "picket fence wedding" wasn't so far fetched. Then I noticed that everyone around me were having kids...sometimes their 2nd or 3rd kid! (Or maybe even 4th in some cases. Ah. You brave souls!) I haven't even mentioned careers yet. I've dreamt for as long as I can remember to be a writer and make money at it. Specifically, a writer of books. Ficitional books, if you'd like to get even more specific. It's no secret. Thing is...instead of having something grand to say like, "Hi...my name is Mary, I'm a "writer." I get to say, "Hi...my name is Mary, and I haven't had a REAL job in over 3 1/2 years but really...I have an excuse!! I'm in excruciating pain every minute of every day, and it hurts to even think about working 8 hours a day, let alone actually doing it."

You see...that's the issue here...this stupid disease. This pain that I have to endure and that I've been going through day in and day out for 3 and a half years. It all began when I was 24 years old and it hasn't let up, in fact it's just gotten worse, ever since. It's prevented me from working...it's prevented me from even thinking about getting pregnant...it's prevented me from working out like I want to...it's prevented me from living the life that I've always wanted. Granted, I could've still gotten married. I could still live. All in all, I truly believe that I've been blessed to get this disease. It made me slow down. It made me stop and think about where my life was headed. It made me stop and think about what was most important in my life. Ok...I only needed a short break though! I just feel like my life has been on stall. And that's why I don't feel my age. I feel like I'm stuck at 20. I feel like I never got to live in certain ways...that I need to catch up. So many of my friends are married with their children already growing up before my eyes. I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as when I can even think about getting pregnant!! I still have surgeries to think about...pain pills to get off of...physical therapy to endure. I know I still have "time." But the road seems daunting.

I suppose I sound like a Debbie Downer, and I try extremely hard not to be that person. Throughout these past few years, I've always tried to look at the bright side of things. This past Thursday, I found out that there is more disease in my knee. That means more surgery. That means more pain. That means more recovery and physical therapy. I'm tired. I feel plain exhausted. A few days before I found out about this I had just gotten news that I got a full-time job after months of looking for one. Now, I'm not going to be able to work full-time. I'm going to have to re-file for Social Security because when I look at it honestly...I just can't do it. I just can't work 8 hours a day as much as I would want to. So...here we go again. Another round of battle for me. I had a few days of a nice pity party, but now I've got to get off my ass and get with the program. Tomorrow, I've got to go get an MRI of my knee and then go back to the surgeon's office to see how he wants to proceed. Yeah...it's daunting. But what else am I going to do? Be that person who complains every day all day and hides under the covers? Or makes the choice to get out of bed and put my big girl panties on and deal with it already?

Well...I guess I'll go the panties route...but I'm not wearing thongs.