The Most Photogenic Cat EVER!

Here are some cutie patootie pictures I took a while back of Miko with my new camera. It helps that this cat is the most photogenic cat on the planet. Enjoy!

Life Updates

I know I've been horrible at posting in the past several months. I've probably said it before, and I'm sure many of you "aspiring writers" know what I'm talking about. I think about this blog all the time. I think about all the things that I want...and need...to write about. I will go visit Dooce to get my daily dose of comedy, reality and Chuck...and I'll think to myself EVERY TIME, "Gosh...I really need to get writing. I miss it so!" And then I go back to obsessing about Facebook. I mean, this was the reason that I originally got my laptop (I'm now on my 2nd one), so that I could write without having to sit at a desk all day. So, I guess I should update everyone on what's been going on...or not going on...in my life.

*I am MORE than ready to get my right hip replaced. I went to see my ortho doc about a week ago to beg him to work his magic for a 2nd time. He told me that we needed to get an MRI of the right hip because "God forbid we get in there to replace the hip, and the bone itself is fine, but you've got a huge tumor wrapped around it." Wow. That's comforting. So, I had the MRI and the next day, this man (not my ortho) called to "break the news" that my bones were dying. Umm...duh! This guy was so relieved that I already knew about it. I guess no one told him that the MRI was for confirmation, not diagnosis. Anyway...I am planning on getting my hip replaced at the end of March. Emphasis on the "I" am planning because who knows how the doc will feel by then.

*My mom found out a couple of months ago that her cancer had progressed. Please don't freak...it's not THAT bad. However, ever since they found the cancer on her rib, it's been pretty tough on her. She's broken it (the SAME RIB!) at least five times now. We were in Biloxi, staying at the Beau Rivage, laying in bed (probably watching some CSI show) when she says, "Feel my chest right here!" I put my hand on her side...right where her evil rib is...and BUMP, BUMP, BUMP! It felt like she had a rib baby in there trying to kick it's way out! Of course, she went to get scans soon after that, and sure enough, the cancer had grown. To someone who is not in this situation...this sounds really bad. And don't get me wrong, it's bad. BUT...she doesn't have any cancer showing up in organs, which is VERY GOOD! They've started her on an oral chemo which unfortunately made her extremely sick at first, but now they've found a pretty good level. In fact, as I write, she's in New York visiting some Breastcancer.org buddies!

*In the past few months, we've lost 2 of our precious "furry" babies. Angel, who belonged to G's mom, and has been here the whole time I'VE been here (which is over 8 years) had been an outside kitty for the past couple of years due to some unfortunate "potty" incidents. One night, G and I came home from being out and she ran right in front of the car. It was a horrific accident, and poor G was DESTROYED because of it. We were all pretty much hysterical about it, and it took a long time for G to get past it. He wouldn't hurt a fly...he even SAVES spiders and lets them loose in our yard. It's tough to lose an animal in ANY way...but it's especially tough to have to watch an animal lose their life like that. Also, we lost Isabella. She died very peacefully in her sleep. In fact, that's how I found her...very peaceful...but I knew she was gone when she didn't run to greet me. She was my very first kitty on my own. She was born in Michigan, and I've had her since she was only 8 weeks old. She was NOT the most friendly kitty in the world...in fact, the vet called her "the spawn of satan"...which to everyone who knew her would be hilarious. But every time I picked that cat up, she would wrap her front paws around my neck and "hug" me. She loved ME...and that's all that mattered. Unfortunately, for us AND her, she was sick most of her life. She had a horrible allergy to fleas. Even just one flea could make her deathly ill. It was extremely hard to care for her and keep her free of fleas. She was 11 years old. We will miss you both...and see you on Rainbow Bridge!! :)

*G and I are doing great...but we're still not married...or engaged. I know SO many people are confused by this. And my mother has gotten to the point where I can't have a conversation with her without "I'm ready to be mother-of-the-bride!" coming out of her mouth. But...we're happy. Insanely so. And even though I'd LOVE to be "the little mrs.", I can't help but just be thankful that I have such an amazing man in my life...and that we've made it through some really tough times together. We've been together almost 9 years now...and the man still makes me laugh like I'm 4 years old every single day. I still get butterflies when I see his headlights pull into the driveway. He is truly the love of my life, and I can't imagine living without him...Mrs. or no Mrs.

*We are currently "reinventing" our house. So far, we've done the living room and dining room. We've put in new floors, painted, and added some new furniture and gadgets. For the longest time, we never had anyone over to our house because it was just...well...disgusting. Now, we have a place we can be (and are) extremely proud of. I'm going to try and put together some "Before & After" photos to post so everyone can ogle it together. :)

*Speaking of photos...I bought myself a Nikon D60 in October, and I am absolutely in love with it! Photography has always interested me...especially the editing part of it all. I recently purchased Adobe Photoshop, and I'm still getting used to all the bells and whistles. My hope is that I can learn how to create some amazing images. And who knows? Maybe I'll take some photographs good enough to frame and hang on our "new" walls!

*This past October, I went to Vegas for the first time. My mom, her best friend and my aunt all went. It was a Breastcancer.org event, and I am THRILLED that Mom wanted me to be a part of it. We stayed at the MGM Grand (which is fabulous) and did the whole "touristy" thing. It was so amazing, and I can't WAIT to go back! If you'd like to see some pictures of our trip...please go here! All of us got a little crazy and decided to ALL get our first tattoos! So, one night, we all went to the Palms casino and were lucky enough to get our tatts done by Johnny Huntington (he was on the TV show "Inked"). When he heard about my mom and Aunt Julie's breast cancer stories, and that they wanted to get pink ribbon tattoos...he decided to do their tatts for FREE! He is such an amazing guy, and we had a great experience with it! I got one on my butt (well, really it's ABOVE my butt, right by my hip scar) of a symbol meaning "True or Real" and scripted "G" below that...for, of course, G! I told everyone that if G and I ever break up, I'll just tell people that the "G" stands for God...which is entirely true too! ;) It was a great trip all in all. And here's a tip to anyone who is thinking about going to Vegas: We didn't make ANY plans. We just went with the flow of things. I am SO happy that we did it that way because we weren't under any pressure to run around crazy. It was calm, relaxing and oh-so-FUN!

*I've gained weight. Ugh. For those of you who know "my story", you know that I used to be absolutely HUMONGOUS...and I ended up losing close to 100 pounds. Unfortunately, I've gained about 30 of those pounds back. It really ticks me off, too, because I promised myself I wouldn't ever gain weight again. Yeah...so much for promises. Granted, it's tough to lose weight when your BONES are dying...but I've done it before...I should be able to do it again.

Well, that's all the updating I have in me right now. I really want to get back into making blogging a habit, so maybe this is the start of something good! I hope everyone is doing well! I look forward to "getting back in the groove" of this thing!

**Love to all as always!**
~MareBear~

Warm Fuzzies

**I love watching football...especially college ball. I am a HUGE Auburn fan (even though they sucked wind this season) and there's something about the rivalry each year that really gets me going. However, my absolute favorite thing about watching college (particularly SEC) games, is the sportsmanship between the teams. After a major tackle or pile-up...there's something amazing about when a player from the opposite team holds out his hand to help a fallen opponent. And...at the very end of a game...the cameras will catch the most amazing sight of all...BOTH teams, on their knees, hands on each others shoulders...thanking God for giving them Life and the opportunity to do what they love. It brings tears to my eyes every time.

**Stockings are my favorite thing to open on Christmas morning. Before I started having Christmas with G and his family, I would always do Christmas with mine. Every year, the first thing we would all open would be our stockings. We never got anything "big" in our stockings. It was always something like: chapstick, candy, toothbrushes, small toys, razors, shaving cream, bubble bath, body spray, or maybe...if we were REALLY good that year...a CD or book!! Now that I've been doing Christmas with G for the past nine years...we open our stockings last. It took a lot of getting used to...the very first year, I headed straight for the stockings first thing. That warranted a lot of nasty stares of astonishment! Funny how traditions are different in every family. Yet, it's still my favorite part. There's something about digging in a big 'ole sock, not knowing what treasures you're going to find. The past couple of years, I've been the one to "put together" the stockings, myself. And I was so incredibly blessed this year to have my amazing mom come to OUR house early Christmas morning. I was so excited to "make" her a stocking. I bought a fluffy pink one and filled it with the small treasures that I get so giddy about. After we had all opened our gifts, I took down all the stockings and passed them out to everyone. When Mom looked up and saw that she had a brand new pink stocking, filled with goodies, her face lit up like a....well...like a Christmas tree! Tears sprang to her eyes as she said, "Oh my...I haven't had a "real" stocking since I was just a little girl!!" I could see in her face the excitement that I felt all those years when I was a kid and SHE would hand me my stocking to dig through. So you see, sometimes the best gifts aren't about the gift at all...they're about the memories that they bring back.

**Most of you who read this blog know that I watch Spongebob Squarepants. What most of you may NOT know is that I watch it literally every single day. There's one particular episode (and you mom's out there who have kiddos may recognize this one) where Spongebob and his best friend Patrick order a huge TV to be delivered to them. Once the TV arrives, however, they toss the TV aside and rejoice over what a big BOX they have! Well, of course, cranky 'ol Squidward, who lives next door, can't understand why these two would waste their time in a box, when they could be inside watching a brand new big screen TV. Spongebob tries to explain to Squid that using your IMAGINATION is so much better than anything else. After a lot of back and forth, Squidward hears a lot of noise and excitement coming from the box. But when he rushes over to open it...all he finds is Spongebob and Patrick sitting alone in the box. Sponge tries to explain again that all it takes is IMAGINATION! Finally, Squidward jumps in the box and tells the two creative ones to take him to Pirate Island. Sponge and Patrick immediately close their eyes and start IMAGINING the world of Pirate Island. But because Squidward doesn't know how to use his IMAGINATION...he can't make it to Pirate Island. In the end, after Spongebob and Patrick go to bed...Squidward decides to try it one more time. And even though things don't go exactly as he planned, he finally sees how wonderful using his IMAGINATION can be. Ahhh...if we could only be more like Spongebob. When I was a kid, we didn't have a lot of money. A cardboard box was made into a fort, a "house", or even just a place to "hideout". I think it's super important for us to encourage kids now...especially in the age of Nintendo DS's and Cartoon Network...to use their IMAGINATIONS. Just one more important lesson I've learned from watching Spongebob Squarepants.

**I have to mention this in my "Warm Fuzzy" post because it is the epitome of warm and fuzzy. For Christmas, I bought myself and G a down alternative comforter. Down alternative because we think G has some major allergy problems. Anyway...if someone asked me to do a commercial for this comforter...I would do it. For free. I have no idea what I did before I had this thing. Every night, as I'm getting ready for bed, all I can think about is sliding in between my Chris Madden sateen sheets and under that deliciously soft comforter. It's seriously helping me sleep at night. My favorite place to be in the whole world is snuggled up with my honey right as we fall asleep. NOW, I can be in my favorite place and be the most comfortable I've ever been! How can I ask for anything more?? :)

I'm sure I'll think of more "warm fuzzies" later, but for now...that'll do.

The Newest Addition To Our Family

As most of you who know me already know...G and I have many kids. Furry ones, that is. We have 2 dogs - Dixie and Sammy. And we now have seven cats. Yes...that's right. Seven. Nermil, Isabella, Rowdy, Sola, Spunky, Angel and introducing.......Emiko!!

I know, I know! G made me promise that I wouldn't bring another kitten into this household. In fact, I think his exact words were, "If you bring another cat in this house...I'm breaking up with you." Yeahhhhh well. See...what happened was...our neighbor has two cats that she lets run around outside. Two female cats. That aren't fixed. Well, it just so happened that both of them got pregnant about 3 weeks apart. Well, our lovely, neglectful, irresponsible neighbor decided to just leave every one of those baby kittens outside even though she "claims" that she's going to find homes for all of them. So, of course, me being the sap that I am...I've been going out there every single day with kitten food and fresh water. *sigh* I know...I should have just left it alone. But I can't help it!! I've always been a sucker for baby kittens (obviously), and these little balls of gray fur were just to die for! So...here I am...going outside twice a day feeding these kittens and playing with every one of them for a few weeks. Well, 2 of the kittens were exactly the same...both of them were all gray with no other way to tell them apart. But I started to notice that every time I went outside, one of the all gray ones would come running up to me and just meow and meow until I picked her up. The other ones were kind of skittish and didn't like to be held, but without fail, this little one would literally climb up my pant leg to get the attention she wanted. I was hooked.

So, I started bringing her in to "just play with her" for about 30 minutes here and there. G was none too happy about the whole thing. I kept telling him that we were NOT going to keep her...I just had SO much fun playing with her! Heh. Of course, as soon as I showed her to G's mom, she fell in love with her. (Score one for my team!!) Slowly, I started bringing her inside more and more. And then it happened. Something that has never happened in all the times we have brought kittens into this household. We discovered that this kitten...is a Daddy's Girl!

Mmm Hmm!! Yep! Mr. "You-Better-Not-Bring-Another-Cat-In-Here" is now talking baby talk every 3 seconds to this little one. She is obsessed with him!! Every time he lays down on the futon in the living room she runs over to him and curls up on him. If he tries to put her off to the side while she's sleeping, she'll just get right back up and climb back on him. If he's sitting up on the laptop and not paying her any attention, she will sit by his leg and literally scream at him until he picks her up. It's absolutely hilarious.

Needless to say, we have another kitten...another "baby" I should say. Her name is Emiko which means "smiling, blessed, beautiful one" in Japanese. We LOVE unusual names. We just call her "Miko" and it seems like she's already starting to learn it. The other cats are getting used to the whole thing pretty well, although they should be used to new kittens by now!! She LOVES to play...I've brought out every single toy that the cats own, and I think she's played with every single one of them. She plays so hard and then she'll sleep like a log for a few hours. It's like clockwork...play for 2 hours, sleep for 2 hours. So funny. She's one of the sweetest kittens I've ever seen! And I'm not being partial or anything.

Welcome to the family, Miko! Enjoy it because you're the last one for a loooooong time!

Sleepless In The South

I've been in so much pain lately. Not that I'm not in pain every single day as it is...but for the past week or two...it seems as if my pain has increased significantly. I've talked about this before, but I hate complaining about my pain. I mean...I do complain about it...but I try my best to make it a rare occurrence. And seeing as I literally feel this crap 24 hours a day, it's a little tough not to every once in a while throw a whine out there. I have a guilt complex...but that's beside the point. I've had a lot of people ask me what the pain feels like. Whether it's sharp, dull, stabbing, throbbing, etc. It's honestly impossible to describe. The best way I could come close is to tell you that it feels like having the worst migraine of your life...but in your bones. It's a very "unique" kind of pain. It's between a stabbing and a dull pain. Sometimes it's throbbing and sometimes it's steady. But one thing remains the same........it's always there!! Without fail, like the sun coming up every day, like the Auburn-Alabama rivalry...it is always there. It is a constant in my life...and has been for over 3 1/2 years now.

Because my pain level has been so much worse lately...the time I'm able to sleep has drastically been diminished. Ever since I was diagnosed with this disease in 2004, I've had tons of trouble sleeping. Since the disease affects the blood supply to my joints, I have a really hard time finding a comfortable position in bed. Usually, even if I can get to sleep, my circulation gets all screwed up and cut off to my legs. Then I'll shift or move and my legs and feet will get those creepy crawly hard tingly feelings when they wake up from being "asleep." And of course that wakes me up! So...that went on for quite a while. It would take forever for me to fall asleep, and then I would wake up 20 times a night. The amount of time I slept per night got shorter and shorter as time went on until I was averaging about 4 to 5 hours a night. Maybe. Well, this past week has just been a nightmare...and not a sleeping nightmare either. I'm lucky if I get to sleep before the sun comes up!! And that's with me taking a prescription sleep aid! By the time I finally pass out from sheer exhaustion, I usually get about 2 or 3 hours of somewhat decent sleep before my body shocks itself awake from pain or circulation problems again.

So...for about a week and a half now, the most I've slept is about 5 hours straight. And that was only one night. The rest were about 3 hours. Last night, as I saw the light starting to show up outside...I almost had an anxiety attack. How much longer can my body take this? I honestly don't know how much more I can deal with. Every night, I lay awake shocked that my body doesn't just crap out on me from pure sleep deprivation and delirium.

Time for me to stop whining...at least for this blog entry. Ha. Unfortunately, I have a feeling my night is just beginning...and it's after 2 AM.

Sleep well, my friends!

Where Have All The Normal TVs Gone?!?

We've been needing a new TV for a while now. Funny that I use the word "need." I really don't "need" a new TV. I "need" food and shelter. But whatever. I don't know what exactly I did before Grey's Anatomy. So, G and I have been shopping around, which basically means we've been going to Walmart once a week for our regular trip and veering our shopping cart into the electronics department to ogle at the televisions and mumble to each other about how we really don't need one of those new LCD slash HD slash ABCDEFG TVs but that we do need a 32" and definitely not a 31". There has always been one section of televisions that were "normal" so to speak that weren't LCD HD blah blah blah and were in our price range of about $200. I mean, really...all we want to do is watch TV...not cook a turkey with the damn thing.

We haven't actually bought a TV so far because neither one of us would actually be able to bring the stupid thing home. G had his back surgery, and I'm in no shape to lift a 200 pound television and bring it in from the car and set it up in the living room all by myself. Yet, every week...without fail...we keep looking. This week, however, was a different experience altogether. We made our usual rounds through the toothpaste and cat litter aisle and cut down past the toys toward the electronics. Ahh...gotta love creatures of habit.

Usually, I can spot the "normal" TVs right away. I can see them when we round the corner and pass the light bulbs and digital cameras. What I saw today made me screech my shopping cart to a halt and nudge G with my elbow. He gasped with astonishment. "What the hell?!?" All the normal TVs were replaced with LCD HD Plasma TVs. And the smallest one was 42". WE HAD WAITED TOO LONG!!!

We tried to look as calm as possible as we searched the entire electronics department, but to our utter disbelief there was not a SINGLE "normal" television to be found. After about 10 minutes we found ourselves...shoulders slumped...standing in front of the cheapest of the LCD HD 32" TVs...........$558. *sigh* We better find someone who can carry a television for us pretty quick before the only ones available are 70 inches and two thousand bucks.

I mean...I really do need to watch Grey's Anatomy though.

The Happy List

So, I've always been a little OCD about making lists. Okay, maybe more than just a little bit. I love making lists. I even own books about lists. Not just about them, but books of lists. Yeah. To-do lists, grocery lists, decorating lists, gratitude lists, Christmas lists and cleaning lists. I make lists on what lists I need or want to make. I am a list writing fool. So here I sit on my semi-comfortable futon at almost 2 AM, and I'm thinking about what makes me happy in life. Those random things that are out of the ordinary that make me smile. And what better way to let everyone know what those things are than by making a list?? Why...I can't think of another way! Buckle your seat belts ladies and gents...it's gonna be a random ride.

• When I'm driving down the interstate in some hellacious traffic and all of a sudden I see the taillights in front of me start to blink in a rhythmic manner. That's when I realize that whoever is driving is tapping their brakes to the radio or CD they're listening to. It always makes me grin because I know that someone is jamming out and having a little bit of fun in an otherwise stressful situation.
• Watching kids cartoons. I love watching Spongebob Squarepants or Fairly Odd Parents or something like that. Not only does it take me back to being a kid and watching cartoons on a Saturday morning, but I love how the writers of the cartoons sometimes use vocabulary and humor that only adults would understand. Some of the puns they put in there are hilarious. The other day I was watching an episode of Spongebob and they were on "Karate Island" and Sandy Squirrel had to fight an enemy. His name was "The Tickler" because his technique was tickling, and he spoke in a french accent. Get it?? HA!! It totally cracked me up. The french tickler. Too funny. Maybe I'm just too easily amused.
• Vanilla ice cream with peanut butter in it. I think that's pretty much self explanatory.
• Magazine subscriptions. I literally have about 6 of them. I love magazines. I love reading in general, but there's something about being able to read fun articles about human interest stories, makeup, health, sex, boys, and Oprah's dogs that just tickle me pink. And looking forward to getting something in the mail is pretty great, too.
• Babies' belly laughs. There are several commercials out right now in which little kids are just letting it rip...and you can't help laughing right along with them. It's contagious. Not to mention insatiable. That yummy sound coming from the mouths of babes. The sound is just so pure and innocent and real. I'm not exactly sure what it is...but if someone could bottle and sell that stuff, they'd be bazillionaires.
• Making lists. Seriously. If you haven't quite grasped the reality of the list situation...come to my house. They could probably do an Oprah show on me or something.

Now, time's a-wastin'! Go make your own "Happy List!" You never know...it could be the start of a whole new obsession!

What's On YOUR Kitchen Table?

I truly believe that one of these days my house could look beautiful. I unabashedly admit that I have a pretty good eye for interior design. There have been many times that I've come up with some crazy idea that have made people shrink in fear at the sound of it, but once completed they've been quite pleased with the results. However...interior design is one thing. Cleanliness is entirely another.

My home will one day be beautiful. Today, however, will NOT be that day. I honestly don't know what the problem is. Let me give you a quick sampling of what my home is like at the moment. Here is a list of what is currently on my kitchen table. My kitchen table.

• 2 pairs of pajama pants and 2 t-shirts (but they are folded!)
• a twin pack of toothbrushes with one of the toothbrushes missing
• a can of bug spray
• a can of carpet deodorizer
• 3 empty cans of Vault and one 1/4 full 20 oz. bottle of Vault
• an automatic cat food feeder thingy (it's cute and pink though)
• a small bag of cat food
• birth control pills (yeah)
• 2 lighters
• a smattering of bills
• a travel size bottle of BOD spray for men (Really Ripped Abs scent - it smells great!)

So...this is just my kitchen table. This is not counting my kitchen counters, my coffee table, my entertainment center, my bathrooms, hell...just everywhere. And the thing is...G and I are the only ones that even USE the whole house!! Are we seriously that messy? Well, apparently we are. I can clean the heck out of this house and it seems like 2 days later it's in the same condition it was in before I cleaned it. It's like we have 3 kids or something! It's so hard for me to get motivated to keep it straight and clean when I'm hurting all the time and it's just going to get friggin' messy again.

I seriously wish I could be like Martha Stewart and wave my magic oven mitt and make it all go away. I really do want the kind of house that looks so beautiful and put together and can just be so wonderfully inviting that I can invite 30 people over at 5 minutes notice.

But...I'm not Martha. I'm Mary. And I have pajama pants on my kitchen table. Sue me.

Insomniac Catch Em Up

Okay, okay...so it's been forever and 4 days since I've written anything. Which is somewhat weird because I think about writing every day. I'm way too overanalytical because instead of just brain-barfing what I'm thinking about and what's going on in my life...I sit and think about how I need to perfect what I want to write about. And of course I never write anything. Seriously...I'm one of those nerdy, ridiculous people who will go to CVS and buy a $5 Five-Star 3-subject college-rule notebook with the pockets in the front "just in case" I come up with writing ideas. And let me tell you my lovely friends...I have 923847329847392876101836756 writing ideas. I believe I've written down 2 of them. And I have bought 45 notebooks. You know. "Just in case." If I wrote down everything that my crazy brain came up with, I truly believe that I would either be the most famous and beloved author on the planet. Or, I'd be locked up in the psych ward chewing on straws. Ahhh...the life of an overthinker.

My life has taken on a bit of a weird twist lately. G had to have back surgery 3 weeks ago and has been home ever since. Yep. And before that he couldn't lift, bend, twist, push, pull...basically do anything because he had a ruptured disk. This proved difficult in our household seeing as I have one fake hip, one collapsed hip, 2 bad femurs and a bad knee...and now G can't function either. And we have a house full of animals and his disabled mother to take care of. Usually, G works 65 hours a week.............minimum. Add sleep to that and I barely saw him! Now we've been together 24/7 for over 3 weeks. Honestly...when the doctor informed me that he would be out of work for 4-6 weeks I thought to myself, "This is it. After all we've been through together in the past 8 years...his mom's stroke, my mom's cancer, my bone disease, us living a state apart for a year and a half...and other numerous issues...we've always hung in there. But THIS...this is going to do us in. Spending 4-6 weeks in the house together 24/7 is going to do it. I WILL KILL HIM!"

Amazingly...he is still breathing. No worries...all the animals and his mother are still breathing and functioning normally as well. I think this actually has proven that we can make it! We have spent all this time together...non-stop...and we haven't quite gotten sick of each other. Granted, we still have a week or so to go...so, I may be jumping the gun, but I think we just might survive this. Oh...and G's back is doing great too in case anyone was wondering. Heh. They cut about a 2 inch incision along his spine, went in and cut a very small sliver of his disk off and cut the rupture out. Again, he hasn't been able to bend, twist, push, pull, or lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk...but he's doing well. He didn't even take any pain meds (not even a TYLENOL!) after the day of surgery!! Crazy, I tell you. It's kind of weird pouring your man his bowl of cereal every morning though. Talk about pampering. *sigh* It just occurred to me that I should have bought HALF gallons of milk. DANG IT!

Anyway...that's the only exciting thing going on at the moment. We've been completely lazy...I think I've seen every episode of Spongebob there is. (Did I mention that G is a cartoon maniac?) And I'm actually catching up on my magazine reading. Hooray! I should be writing, I know...but of course...I psych myself out and find reasons not to. But hey...here I am at least giving some kind of update, right?? Gotta love that! I hope to be back up to par soon in writing some much more entertaining stuff.

~Love to all~

You Had Me At.....

It will have been 8 years ago on June 8th. But I remember it like it was a week ago. To this day, we argue about which shirt you were wearing...the blue hawaiian or the orange hawaiian one. I KNOW it was the orange one. You insist it was blue. I have a better memory than you, so you should just accept it. It's kind of weird when I think of it now. I'm a bit anti-social now. Back then, the apartment that I lived in had a rotating door policy. People just kind of came and went as they pleased. Half the time they didn't even knock and it didn't bother me a bit. But I guess that's how it is when you're 19, single and have at least 3 - 8 friends at your home over every night. It was a Thursday. And Thursdays and Saturdays were our "clubbing" nights. Everyone knew to meet at my apartment and at EXACTLY 11 pm we would get in our cars and go out. We had a set schedule, and usually we had the same group of people that went with us. That night would be different. I'll never forget where I was standing when you walked through my front door. Two of our mutual friends had asked you to come along. They walked in the front door (without knocking of course) and I was standing by the kitchen when I saw them come in. You followed behind them and my stomach did some kind of weird flippity thing. (It still does it every time you come close to kiss me...every time you smile that smile of yours just for me...every time you tuck a piece of hair behind my ear...every time you say "I love you.") I remember asking, "Who IS that?" to someone close by. Then we were introduced. I'm sure I said something stupid. But I remember immediately thinking how polite you were...and how hot you were! That night, we had decided to all go out to eat before we went clubbing. The entire meal...I couldn't say a word. I couldn't eat. You were making everyone laugh...everything you said was smart, funny, nice...wonderfully you. One of the friends who had brought you along kept trying to get my attention during dinner. I realized I had been staring at you with my mouth open. And that I hadn't said a word. Literally. Which if anyone knew anything about me was completely bizarre. Our friend pulled me to the side and begged for my forgiveness. "For what?" I asked. He proceeded to apologize for bringing you to "our group" and "my home" without asking me first. He could tell I was "mad" because I wasn't speaking. I'm sure I turned 40 shades of purple. I assured him I was anything but mad. I do believe right then that the jig was up. He knew that you had made me flat out speechless. No one. No one had ever made me speechless in my lifetime. Then our well-meaning friend said something else that stunned me into silence. "But, Mary...I thought you refused to go out with short guys?" Say WHAT?!?!? I hadn't even noticed. I hadn't even noticed for even a moment that if we stood toe-to-toe that we were the exact same height. I had always sworn (loudly) that I would never EVER date anyone that was shorter than 6 inches taller than me. "Yeah well...screw that." I told him. (Of course, all of this conversation is taking place before I've even spoken 5 words to you!) After we ate, we went to the dance club. Normally...I would have been the first on the dance floor...but not this time. I was in awe of you. Not to mention completely self-concious. I slipped away from you for a while to dance with some friends when boom you were right behind me. I thought my heart would stop beating. Feeling you that near to me...I knew that I wanted you near to me always. They say that there's no such thing as love at first sight...maybe not. But my heart ached for you immediately. I had to walk away from you. I remember walking over to some tables and talking to my cousin. She also asked what was wrong. I remember exactly what I told her, "I love him." "WHO???" I pointed at you, and when I did you were looking right at me. I could have melted right there. She laughed it off, but I knew. I knew that I couldn't let that be the last night that I saw you. I walked past you another time and you were talking to two gorgeous girls. My heart fell. You stopped me as I walked by and introduced me to them as people you worked with. It amazed me that you would introduce me to people you worked with when you had just met me. So polite. It had amazed me that you had sat at our dinner table surrounded by 75% of people you didn't know and dominated the conversation and had everyone roaring with laughter and made everyone feel like they were they only one you were talking to. It amazed me how you danced with every girl in our group but didn't creep anyone out or flirt so much that made anyone feel like you were hitting on them. It amazed me that you made each person feel like you were their best friend. You stole my heart immediately. And it wasn't just because you were drop dead gorgeous in your ORANGE shirt (and you totally were.) And it wasn't just because you could dance like a sexy beast (and you could.) It was all of it. It was the way you walked in my front door and time slowed to a crawl. It was the way that I was comfortably speechless in your presence. It was the way that you made eye contact with me from across a crowded club and made me feel like I was the only one in the room.

And you picked me too. How did I get so lucky? Whoever knew that love could be this good?

8 years later I still get those flippity flips in my stomach every time you look at me. And I know you wore that damn orange shirt.

I love you.

Tag...I'm It!

So, it appears as if I've been tagged by my lovely friend, Nicci, to answer these questions. :) Here goes nuttin'!

A - Attached or Single: Attached quite happily! (This coming June we will have been attached for EIGHT freakin' years now....yeah....I best be gettin' a ring on my finger or it's gonna fall off or something.)

B - Best Friend: G (I truly believe that the love of your life should also be your best friend!), my mother (I swear...we're soulmates), KareBear (we've been buds since middle school and I couldn't ask for a better "girl"friend!), Tamster (my cousin - who may be a year younger than me...but I look up to her in so many ways), Shorty (my best "guy" friend that I can tell anything to and he listens just as well...if not BETTER...than any gal pal!), and a select other few. I am quite blessed to have many "best" friends.

C- Cake or Pie: I'm gonna have to go with pie here. I may be in a huge minority here, but I'm just not a big fan of cake. Don't get me wrong...I'll EAT cake. But I'll take a French Silk pie over German Chocolate cake any day. :)

D - Day of choice: Whatever day that my sweetheart has off work. It's really the only day that we have to spend quality time together. And since those days vary from week to week...I can't pick just one day. But if you're asking what day of the YEAR...I'd have to say Christmas, June 8th (our anniversary), October 23rd (my birthday), or Thanksgiving. I love me some holidays!

E - Essential Item: My Laptop! My baby bought it for me last year for our anniversary and hasn't been able to pry it away from me since!! (I love you, sweetheart!)

F - Favorite Color: PINK! (Save The TaTas!)

G- Gummy Bears or Worms: I'm going to break out here and say BUGS...they sell these gummy bugs in the aisle at Walmart that have this goo in the middle. It seriously takes me back to being a kid every time I eat them! LOVES IT!

H - Hometown: The Big Ham (Birmingham...for all of those out there who are clueless! Ha!)

I - Indulgence(s): Netflix, Cookie cake from Great American Cookie, Spending hours in the bookstore, Extra butter on my popcorn at the movie theater, about 8 different magazine subscriptions. :)

J - January or July: January because that's my hunny's birthday month! (27th)

K - Kids: We have lots of "furry" kids: Dogs - Sammy & Dixie; Cats - Nermil, Isabella, Rowdy, Spunky, Sola, Angel (but only 4 of the cats are indoors) - yeah...we're crazy animal people. But HEY...it used to be worse! We used to have 3 dogs, TEN cats, 3 RATS, 2 lizards and a snake!! Yeppers. So...we're doing really well right now.

L - Life is incomplete without: The love of my life, my family, my friends, my "kids", books, laughter, love, and Jesus Christ.

M - Marriage Date: To Be Announced. Ha!

N - Number of Siblings: 1 gorgeous little sister...10 years younger than me. :)

O - Oranges or Apples: Eh. Either are okay, but they're not my favorite.

P - Phobias or Fears: I cannot STAND roaches. And really, my biggest fear is losing the people that I love the most.

Q - Quotes: "Love is friendship...set on fire." "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!"

R - Reason to smile: All the loving people in my life, all the furry ones in my life, days when I get more than 4 hours of sleep, blogging, shopping, sex, cooking, Grey's Anatomy, good-smelling shampoo, painted toenails, a clean house, bubble baths, clean sheets, a brand new bag of sunflower seeds, being in love.

S - Season: The 2 days of Fall that we have here in good ole Alabammer

T- Tag Three Friends: I think I'm gonna have to pass on this one seeing as pretty much EVERYONE has been tagged by now! ;)

U- Unknown fact about me: A lot of people already know this about me...but I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19...and I've never been pulled over by the cops or gotten into a wreck. I drive like a grandma and have MAJOR anxiety when riding in the car with other people.

V - Very favorite Store: Barnes & Noble or Booksamillion! :)

W - Worst habit: Ugh...I STILL smoke...which I absolutely hate, but I've had a crappy time trying to quit.

X- X-ray or Ultrasound: Well, seeing as I have collapsing bones, I've had enough x-rays to make me glow in the dark by now.

Y - Your favorite food: This is pretty much an impossible question for me. But right now, I LOVE Mexican food. Especially Habeneros!! (The restaurant, not the pepper!)

Z - Zodiac: I'm on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio...which basically means I'm a freak I guess! ;)

Alrighty folks, there ya have it. Sorry it took me so long to do it!! Love you, Nicci!!! ;)

Love Letters

So, I've been reading this book about love letters. Well, really it's not "about" love letters...it IS love letters. (Other People's Love Letters - 150 Letters You Were Never Meant To See Edited by Bill Shapiro) Love letters to women from men, to men from women...written by email, postcard, handwritten in cursive, typed on old typewriters, written in chicken scratch and big bubbly girlie handwriting. Most were written in the past 10 years, but there were some in the book that were written in the 1930's even a few as far back as 1911! The funny thing is how different, yet similar the current letters are to the letters written decades ago. The words used are different but the feelings are the same.

Love, I believe, is absolutely universal. You see it everywhere and almost everyone has felt it. It can cause the highest most jubilant of feelings or the lowest most intense feeling of pain. It has brought about the biggest celebrations and caused the greatest of wars. Love, you see, is tumultuous in nature...but who wants to live without experiencing it? Romance movies, books, art, music...it is literally everywhere you look. Not only is love in the things we obviously see, but it's there even when we may not readily realize it. Even in horror films there is usually a back story with romantic tones to it. It appeals universally to everyone. I truly believe that if love didn't exist, then neither would the rest of it. Art, music, books, movies, TV...any of it. Love is inspiring.

Look outside right now. Go...I'll wait. Did you see it? Did you see that fantastic, gorgeous blue sky? That color that you can't quite name? Did you see those trees? With the white blooms that seem to explode with snowflakes in the middle of warm weather? Did you see the bumble bees getting pollen to and from each flower to make the Spring more beautiful for us every year? Did you see the green? So lush and rich? Did you see it? That is inspiration for love.

Look closer. Did you see that little girl running barefoot through her front yard? Did you see her fall down? Did you see her mommy come out and pick her up and kiss her tears away? That's love. Did you see the old man walking to the mailbox this afternoon? Did you see his neighbor run out to beat him there and deliver his mail to him so he wouldn't have to walk the whole way? Did you see the neighbor visit with him for 5 minutes? Did you see the old man's smile as he walked back in the house and that his step was just a little lighter? That's love. Did you see the teenage boy with the long hair and torn jeans getting off the bus with the frown on his face? Did you see the kids laughing at him? Did you see his slumped shoulders and weight of the world on his back? Did you see God bend down and take him in His arms? Did you see that? No? Look closer.

That is Love.

Write a love letter. You never know who might need one.

Whats and Ladders?

So, it's weird for me to be writing more than once in one day, though it would be my ambition to write several times a day. But I just saw Jamie Lee Curtis on Oprah, and she inspired me to jump on here and spew. I only caught the last few minutes of her interview, but her words really struck a chord in me. She has written several children's books over the past few years and her newest one is called, "Big Words for Little People." In a nutshell, it's trying to keep "real" language alive for kids these days. It kind of goes back to what I was talking about in another post about technology and how kids are so involved with their video games and blah blah blah. You may remember her in some commercials for board games like Operation where she's dressed up in scrubs and a surgeon's costume? Well, she mentioned in her interview that she was talking to some of the makers of the games and told them that her favorite game used to be Chutes and Ladders. She said that her favorite part of the game was the loooonnnng slide at the end of the game that sent you right back to the beginning if you happened to land on it. Well...it seems that too many kids were throwing temper tantrums about having to go back to the beginning of the game...and too many moms were calling the company COMPLAINING about their kids not winning the game. Mmmmmmmmmm kay. So.....................THE COMPANY CHANGED THE GAME! CHUTES AND LADDERS!!! IT IS CHANGED! All because some whiny little shits got on their impatient mothers' nerves. Whatever happened to learning how to lose graciously?? I mean...now they have rules posted outside all the ballparks instructing parents not to raise their voices at the ball games or they'll get thrown out. Most of the ball games under certain ages aren't even SCORED any more because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Okay, okay...I get it. Everyone and their dog is on some kind of anti-depressant now, so they have to start at age 2 to up self esteem. I get it. I'm just wondering what happens to these kids who are pampered until they're 22 and then BOOM they get fired from their cushy job in corporate America, and they have not the first idea how to handle it!

I'm just saying...kids need to experience disappointment. I realize that parents don't want their kids to face it...but let's get real...life is FULL of disappointment and if kids don't learn how to deal with it early on, then won't it just be harder later? Look...before everyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying throw your kids in a lake full of crocodiles. I'm just saying...put the damn slide back on the board for crying out loud.

If you can't be a gracious loser...how can you be excited about winning anything?

Not Feeling It

I don't feel as old as I am. I'm not trying to say that I'm "old." It's just that I am 2 1/2 years away from being the big 3-0 and I haven't even grasped my 20's yet. Some days...I don't even feel my 27 years. In some ways, I've lived more life than most people my age...hell, I've lived more life than some people that are in their 50's. But in other ways, I feel as if I haven't yet begun to live. I have been with the most wonderful man for 8 years come this June. Yet, I haven't walked down the aisle. I haven't experienced the excitement of trying on bridal gowns and picking out flowers for my wedding. I've never in my LIFE been a girlie girl. I've always said that I'd be perfectly content with hopping on a plane to Las Vegas and getting married in a cute little chapel in jeans and flip flops. Then I passed 25. And I started watching as, one by one, my friends got married off. Suddenly, the idea of that "picket fence wedding" wasn't so far fetched. Then I noticed that everyone around me were having kids...sometimes their 2nd or 3rd kid! (Or maybe even 4th in some cases. Ah. You brave souls!) I haven't even mentioned careers yet. I've dreamt for as long as I can remember to be a writer and make money at it. Specifically, a writer of books. Ficitional books, if you'd like to get even more specific. It's no secret. Thing is...instead of having something grand to say like, "Hi...my name is Mary, I'm a "writer." I get to say, "Hi...my name is Mary, and I haven't had a REAL job in over 3 1/2 years but really...I have an excuse!! I'm in excruciating pain every minute of every day, and it hurts to even think about working 8 hours a day, let alone actually doing it."

You see...that's the issue here...this stupid disease. This pain that I have to endure and that I've been going through day in and day out for 3 and a half years. It all began when I was 24 years old and it hasn't let up, in fact it's just gotten worse, ever since. It's prevented me from working...it's prevented me from even thinking about getting pregnant...it's prevented me from working out like I want to...it's prevented me from living the life that I've always wanted. Granted, I could've still gotten married. I could still live. All in all, I truly believe that I've been blessed to get this disease. It made me slow down. It made me stop and think about where my life was headed. It made me stop and think about what was most important in my life. Ok...I only needed a short break though! I just feel like my life has been on stall. And that's why I don't feel my age. I feel like I'm stuck at 20. I feel like I never got to live in certain ways...that I need to catch up. So many of my friends are married with their children already growing up before my eyes. I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as when I can even think about getting pregnant!! I still have surgeries to think about...pain pills to get off of...physical therapy to endure. I know I still have "time." But the road seems daunting.

I suppose I sound like a Debbie Downer, and I try extremely hard not to be that person. Throughout these past few years, I've always tried to look at the bright side of things. This past Thursday, I found out that there is more disease in my knee. That means more surgery. That means more pain. That means more recovery and physical therapy. I'm tired. I feel plain exhausted. A few days before I found out about this I had just gotten news that I got a full-time job after months of looking for one. Now, I'm not going to be able to work full-time. I'm going to have to re-file for Social Security because when I look at it honestly...I just can't do it. I just can't work 8 hours a day as much as I would want to. So...here we go again. Another round of battle for me. I had a few days of a nice pity party, but now I've got to get off my ass and get with the program. Tomorrow, I've got to go get an MRI of my knee and then go back to the surgeon's office to see how he wants to proceed. Yeah...it's daunting. But what else am I going to do? Be that person who complains every day all day and hides under the covers? Or makes the choice to get out of bed and put my big girl panties on and deal with it already?

Well...I guess I'll go the panties route...but I'm not wearing thongs.

Greener Pastures

I think we've all been at a certain point in life when we've said, "Oh yeah...that grass is greener over there." And sure as anything, we graze on over, we start to nibble, and it turns out it was just spray painted. At the first rain, all that green just fades away to brown. So, we try to turn around to get to our original pasture, but Farmer Brown has built a fence in the middle of the damn night. We're stuck. Who can we blame but ourselves? But the thing is...we don't. We blame everyone BUT ourselves. We blame Farmer Brown for building that fence. We blame the painter for spray painting that beautiful green paint on the grass. We blame God for putting the grass in that pasture there in the first place. We even blame the damn cows for NOT eating the grass because then...why, we wouldn't have seen it if those damn cows would've just eaten it. But in reality, it was only us...we took the steps over to the other pasture, and we were the ones who nibbled through the night and through the rain ignoring the fading paint and Farmer Brown's hammering wanting and needing our initial hope of "the grass is greener" to be true. So now, what to do? You're walking around in dead grass surrounded by a fence. You can either try and jump the fence, walk around in the dead grass staring at what was, or you can stop looking down. Stop looking down at that dead grass and look at what other opportunities are available to you now. Look. You're in the pasture now, you might as well learn to deal with it. Are there any trees to climb? Any rose bushes to tend to? Any cows to tip? Hey...go chat up Farmer Brown...maybe he needs an egg hatcher or something.

My point is...sometimes the grass looks greener and maybe you get lucky and it really is. But for those times when you get over there and you realize that the green isn't all that green...try looking up.

Back In The Day

Do you remember the age when your mom's spankings didn't hurt anymore? When it actually DID hurt her more than it hurt you? But yet you kept on fake crying for the mere fact that you got off with an easy punishment? Yeah...I remember. I was about 7. It lasted for about 2 seconds before I actually giggled mid-spank. Mmmm hmmm. I giggled. Advice for my 7 year old blog audience out there: I realize that these days, "spanking" is grounds for you calling DHR...but if you are still lucky enough to get the easy punishment of getting laid across your momma's lap bare butt and all, and she uses her BARE HAND to slap your rear to "teach you a lesson"...at least whimper or something. You may be able to stretch this another year or so before the actual "grounding" starts taking place. I know how you kids these days value your endless menagerie of electronic mind control devices and believe me...your mom (or dad) WILL confiscate these lovelies from you. What will you do then, young grasshopper? Read a book? *GASP* The horror of it! Believe it or not, my toys actually CONSISTED of books which I thoroughly enjoyed. And look at me now. Blogging away. You wouldn't want this happenening to you. So behave by all means so that you can continue to practice your hand-eye coordination with Guitar Hero and searching for the Gatlin gun on Xbox 360 with your buddies. We wouldn't want good, young minds going to waste, now would we?

It amazes me the kinds of toys kids have today. Even toys for babies. When I was a kid (and no...I'm not quite old enough to go on a tirade about how I walked to school 3 miles in the snow barefoot) we had actual jump ropes instead of those glittery musical whips they have today. We had dolls that just sat there that maybe came with a brush. These days, they come with hair that changes color when you add a "magic potion" to the brush...not to mention the doll poops and pees and barfs all over you, all while having a conversation in Arabic. We had frisbees. Now they have these gigantic discs that, if thrown correctly, soar into the next zip code. That's fun times. You don't just run through a run-of-the-mill, ordinary sprinkler that your dad pulls out of the garage anymore...oh no. You get the air pump out to blow up the inflatable playground fully equipped with a water slide, bouncy thing-a-ma-jig, and full working waterfall. You don't just ride a bike or skateboard anymore...nope nope nope. You have motorcycles for 4 year olds and so called "scooters" that go 50 miles an hour and probably get better gas mileage than a Prius. Ahh yes. "Toys" these days. Makes ya wanna be a kid again doesn't it? And you wonder why lawsuits are on the rise.

Cartoons have come a long way. And that's an understatement. I remember watching Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers and Duck Tales, The Care Bears and Pound Puppies, Fraggle Rock, Inspector Gadget, Garfield & Friends, and The Jetsons. These days, they have Spongebob Squarepants, Jimmy Neutron, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and even shows for the toddlers like The Backyardigans (which I happen to love) and the Baby Einstein series. What's funny to me is that if you watch the old school Looney Toons or Tom and Jerry NOW, you will see that a lot of the jokes were geared towards adults. What you may not know is that the Looney Toons that you see on TV today is actually edited...quite a bit. Because back in the day, those cartoons were written during the war and had scenes written to "lighten the mood" that would be inappropriate for little ones' eyes to see today. Ahhh...but we adults have options now. And it's called "Adult Swim". Never did I think I'd see the day when an animated character would cuss or make off-color jokes. Enter Family Guy, American Dad, Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and other such beauties on Cartoon Network. It all started in 2001 on a Sunday night after 10 PM with a disclaimer on the screen which originally showed senior citizens in a pool with an audio of a lifeguard yelling on a megaphone, "All Kids Out of The Pool!" It was FANTASTIC!! Well, maybe not for everyone...but for those of us who are the classic "never-gonna-grow-up-Toys-R-Us-kids" it was freakin' fantastic. And now, almost 7 years later, it's on every night with several shows to fulfill the cartoon need in all of us. Sure, most of the shows are absolutely out-of-this-world outrageous and admittedly pretty stupid, but don't knock it until you try it. Put the kiddies to bed and tune in. Hey...the Simpsons haven't been on for almost 20 years for nothing, ya know.

Procrastination Unglued

Ahhh blogging. The "writer's" way of getting her inner voice heard in a way that 15 bazillion other people are too. In it's own way, blogging is a competition. The hard core bloggers out there scour the internet searching for the most popular ones to see how theirs add up. Obviously, I can't compare to "I Can Has Cheezburger." I don't have a network of people sending me hilarious pictures of cats with captions attached saying things like, "I Made You a Cookie...But I Eated It." All I can offer up is the wonderful world of Mary's Mind and hope that I get about 3 readers who think it's the least bit interesting. At least enough to come back on a semi regular basis to catch up on what's taking place in my crazy mind for that moment. Although, I do have 6 cats and 2 dogs, and I can promise that if any one of them ever speaks to me, I will take a picture and report back to you immediately. I personally believe that a blog is a way for a potential "serious writer" to completely avoid serious writing. I mean, if you use a blog for business reasons, by all means...whoopty doo. But if you blog just to brain vomit...then you're blogging with the masses, baby. If you have no aspirations to become a great author...or hell...an author at all, then blog away and have no worries. But...if you do aspire to write that great novel comparable to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, then blogging is the BEST way to absolutely avoid doing so. I know that I personally have been procrastinating for about ohhhh 10 years now from doing any "real" writing. But wowza...when the blogging phenomenon came about...YEE HAW! I actually had something to do with my time while I was procrastinating. Who could ask for anything more?!? I wrote a blog for an entire year...just to see if I could do it. I did, and it was entirely therapeutic and fun for me. I had somewhat of a following for a while which boosted my ego a bit, but not enough for me to actually sit down and write something of substance. For about 20 seconds, I thought about just taking my blog, printing it out and sending it to publishers. I mean hell. They'll take just about anything these days, won't they? Whatever. All I'm saying is. Here I am again - ungluing my procrastination. Get ready for a wild ride, peeps. Because let me tell you something, folks. I didn't buy a laptop for nothing.